I have just started to go through the Kyle box at 3am. I have been reading letters for about an hour and I am only 1/5 the way through. I've been crying for most of the hour as well. He was such a wonderful writer. He was the eptimy of romance. His love letters still bring tears of happiness, well I should say they bring even more tears because of the bittersweet feelings now. I really hope that this journy of letters will open my eyes to something new. Already I am noticing some of his weakness that I suppose I ignored. I feel like he really needed me at that time. Both of us were in a low spot and we made each other an addiction in a way very similar to herion.

I'm home! It's great! It's luxary! Big bed, good food, clean bathroom. What more could a person ask for? Oh ya, and a loving mom! Oh and a great friend Teddy!

I have a few agendas: Spend time with mom, remember the happy times with Kyle, read a book about ADD to understand Scott better, enter scholarships, think about colleges to transfer to, relax, and mmmm eat lots!

Teddy, mom, and I were stuck in the mall parking lot today for 2 and half hours!!! That teaches us to shop on the last weekend before Christmas!

I almost feel as if I am visiting someone else's house. I guess that's because my mom has decorated the place a beautifully, and my room is a little different, and because I have been away. I think the house feels cozier now! I knew my mom could transform this place into what it is now. I can't wait to see her dive into her creativity more!

Teddy seems to be doing very well. She is busy in extracirrular activities that are interesting and she has a healthy relationship with a great guy. I just realized I really did miss her too. I'm might not get to see her again all break! :(

I am happy too. I missed my mom! And I miss Scott now; although my heart is not breaking like it did everytime Kyle was away from me. And I'm afraid to feel that deep attachment again. I want to have those highs with Scott, but I don't want to wrap my life around him. Perhaps there is away of doing both. Perhaps I'm being a coward.

Sorry there are many technical errors, but I am soooo tired!

I had the most typical college experience ever!! Tonight we had a meeting about checking out and so everyone was talking. Then Michelle dissappears for a few hours because she was hanging out with some guys she knows upstairs. Then 4 guys bust into our room (well the knock, we answer, then they all pour in). They had a bottle of rum and finish it off in our room. We finally kick them out with a lot of persuasion mostly because Michelle is getting annoyed with them. Then they run back in our room an hour later because they stole some higher quality rum from a girl's room who's door was open and she was in the bathroom puking. So they went upstairs and had a few shots and returned 20 minutes later. This time only two of them, and they were nicely buzzed. The first words out of one of them was we came down to say that you are cute (pointing at me) and you are err Michelle. They stayed until 4:30am!! Daniel kept saying (pointing to each person) you are cool, you are fucking smart, you are cute, and you are nice, but dorky. It was hilarous! My face hurts so much from laughing. Watching drunk people is a great spectators sport. TJ talked to one of my friends online, then Michelle's. Rubin was making everyone guess where he was from, using big words, and trying to psych the other drunk guys into submission with gross stories. Daniel was the worst of the lot and told me that I had cute toes, he had to work at 7am, and making the biggest ass of himself. Welcome to College.

Camping was fun! I smell like smoke now.
I registered for classes and I am taking 15 credits. Chemistry, Calculus I, Astronomy and Anthropology Though what's odd is that really I am taking more than 16 hours of class. So they lie!!!!

I played soccer last night! It was so much fun! I am really sore now, but it was worth it!!! I had forgotten how much fun it is!

new post?!

I'm going camping this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There was still a spot open at Lehua Tower (the one Scott lives in). Camping in Hawaii! No coldness at night and no bears! I can't wait!!!! I'll take pictures there too.

I'm back from Maui!

I saw a lot and ate a lot. I saw the West Maui Mts, Lahahina (Maui's Wikiki), went to the top of Haleahkala (which almost got me car sick) and to the beautiful Iao Valley.
I ate Tailapa (fish), tiny clear fresh fish from the Phillipeans, and goat intestine soup.

Surprizingly there was cactus on the island! I also saw pineaple bushes, sugar cane, and banana trees. This is a big deal because yes I have been living in Hawaii for 3 months, but I live in the city. Hawaii's country sides is beautiful. It is a bit tropical, mixed with euclapitis trees, and a bit of Texas sky.

I'll put pictures up later once I develop them.

http://photos.yahoo.com/fallingcolors56
(copy and paste)

More pictures will come later!

I just recieved 'The Celestine Prophecy' from Scott. I can't wait to read it, I think it will be very interesting, and I'll better understand his philosophy because this is one of his favorite books.

Oh and I am dating Scott. :)
Since we've seen each other everyday for the past two weeks, we've decided that we won't see each other everyday. But now I wanna see him. Isn't it ironic.

I think I want to take Chemistry, Calc I, Astronomy, and Latin next semester, which would be 15 credits. And I realized that I have 17 credits for this semester so I only need to take 13 to get into NYU.

Next Wednesday I'm going to Maui with my roomate for Thanksgiving!!!! I can't wait!

I skipped my first class today. I didn't go to religion class because I was too tired. But out of all my classes that's the only one that I can miss safely. So I had good timing.

Registration is coming up soon! I can't wait to get a lot of science classes! And since all of a sudden I'm a BS (I don't know how that happened) I don't have to take Biology lab, which I hear is a killer!

I got a Hawaii State Library card today! And I checked out 'A Mathematician Reads the Newspaper'. It's about all the math stuff in news articles, so basically real life.

I'm not backpackless anymore!

Rainbows have been arching across the sky all day! There was a double one just outside our window.

I watched Scott play a 3-3 tournement. It was interesting, I normally don't watch basketball so it was a change of pace.

So my mission.....
I am starting, by getting a library card. I want to do a lot of reading, and experiment with stuff like art on my own time. Just expanding my knowledge of everything, and getting to know myself on the way.

Anyway back to the homework...

I saw the Matrix, it was bad. Just bad. I also saw Elf which was funny. Scott and I were singing loudly in the theater to You Make Me Feel So Young by none other than Frank himself. Oh and he has the same birthday as my mom!!!!

I feel bad for Josh. He says his plans are going really badly. Each day I see him he says it gets worse. I wanna ask him about it, but it doesn't seem like he wants to talk about it.

So it's Monday night and I'm trying to finish art homework that is due tomarrow. It's getting better. I mean doing art without screaming that is.

I need to start my mission of trying to find myself. I finally feel stable enough here to begin I think. I'll talk about this more later tonight when I need another break.

Well I lost a best friend last night. Pat still has feelings for me and he was being tortured, and I am part at fault because I still had feelings for him too, and we would talk about it. All I ever really wanted was his friendship, if a we got back into a relationship later I might have liked that, but his friendship was the most important. He thinks that I lied to him because I told him different things, but I was just confused. And he seems to think I wasn't upset, but I never told him the hours of crying I've done. I'm glad he's happy now.

On a happy note, I went to a club with Scott. It was fun!!!! My right ear is still buzzing a bit. And no I never had a drink to watch. I needed that last night.
Plus I saw Matt, and he's suppose to call tonight, so maybe we'll hang out this weekend.

Thanks Amanda! You're almost turning into a computer geek! hehehehe...

Yestday I went hiking with Scott. I learned of a new trail and I learned a lot about him. He reminds me a lot of my mom! He's into esp and dreams; he's a psych major - go figure. His home town is just outside of Boston and is here on exchange from Amherst for a year. Scott paints very well, his style looks like Van Gogh crossed with Aboriginee art. He's a mixed bag- he does yoga, meditation, a few years as a manager of a resturant, and is president of his tower. He's also 25!

Oh and I've got to recommend Bowling for Columbine (movie). It's an exellant documentary about gun control, it blew me away. lol It involves a lot of dark humor, but with some heavy hitting points.

OK, I fixed the link to Ann's blog... :-D

love, amanda

Okay so our date wasn't exactly a date, but that's cool. It was me and him and his friend Alaina. She's a lesbian, so that was okay, and I was much more comfortable with her with us. They both were really nice and I liked them. They are really smart, we talked about a lot of deep stuff. She's an english major, and he's a history major. Matt reminds me a lot of Brad. We (him and alaina and I) like a lot of the same music, and he agreed with me that Johnny Depp is a god!!!!! So we went to this lil garden and they played guitars. Then we went to jack in the box and just walked around and talked. He gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. And she gave me a hug too. This was more of the college experience that I was looking for. So ya good "date". And he's already asked me out on a second date! Which is watching a movie on the beach for this weekend.

Wow! I still can't believe it happened.
I was walking to the venture capital lecture that I was going to help out at, when I saw this guy and I smiled at him, like I always do when I pass someone. I looked away and looked back at him, and he was still smiling at me. We passed each other and then a few minutes later he was behind me and he asked me for my name and number. I didn't get a chance to talk to him for very long, all I know is that his name is Matt and that he's a senior. I doubt he'll call, and that's okay, I really don't care, and besides he's too old for me. I'm just so happy that he actually stopped and asked for my number.

Josh is planning on transfering next semester and getting a house with some friends. That sounds pretty cool. Sucks for me a bit. Oh well.

I think I did well on my religion exam!

I have no class on Friday or Tuesday!!!

Lecture thingy tonigt.

Lots of sleep.

I'm happy.

ToDaY iS a GoOd DaY!
I just ate crackers with peanut butter and banana slices. I just realized I tilt my head in a funny way when I eat them.
I'm watching the sunset clouds pass by as a cool breeze sweeps over me.

I was useful at the meeting today! I think I did well on my religion mid term. I studied sooo much last night! I was up till 3am! There was also a lot of caffeine involved and a stomach ache this morning. I feel very proud of myself, because that was my first real study session.


Tonight will be a lot of studying as well. I have an Art History midterm tomorrow. I should umm probably start now huh....

Halloween!:
It offically kicked of when I went to dinner. Some guys decided to dress up as a vagina and a penis. And they were the life of the cafe last night. They were chasing the cafe workers around and throwing food and what not. I'm so glad that the maturity level has risen in college. Although at times it was funny.
Then I got a great care package from Amanda and her mom filled with Halloween cookies, the lipstick I got at the Mary Kay party and some cds. I then made Josh listen to a few songs of country, it was great torture.
Then we got on our bikes and I followed him feverishly as he was racing down to Wikiki. I'm pretty surprized that I kept up considering I was wearing that long purple skirt and had to slow down every couple of minutes to pry it out of my wheel. Although I did fall once. I turned sharply in a puddle, but somehow walked off my bike as it fell, completely dry. Maybe my cordination skills are finally coming together. Naw, it was probably just luck.
We got down there and walked around the very crowded streets looking at all the costumes. Then we went to a haunted house. It was a little lame, but I screamed a few times. And this guy kept following me! And I was trying to run, but of course I was holding on to Josh's arm and he wouldn't run!! It wasn't worth the $11, but I was happy that Halloween was complete by going to a haunted house.
We raced back home, without me falling. Then we watched the movie Halloween. It wasn't scary at all. So we stayed up untill the wee hours telling the characters what to do, but they never listened.
So all in all it was a good Halloween!

I feel used! The girl I sit next to in Art History, Laura, asks for my notes, and now creepy old guy is asking for my notes! I don't want to see him after class but we are meeting on Monday at the library. Yes I take notes, but they aren't much, and I really don't think anyone else can understand them. Oh and since I'll be typing up my notes for Laura, I might as well print a copy off for this guy! I should charge.

Last night Josh and I went to the weight room, and I lost 2lbs! As we were walking there, I saw Art101 guy, he smiled at me and his face kinda dropped when he saw Josh. Makes me wonder... But damn Josh! I'm always with him! I like hanging out with him, but people think that we're a couple. Tho it could work to my advantage, because I'm thinking about telling Ian that Josh is my boyfriend so he'll leave me alone. Of course I'll talk to Josh about this; Josh was the one that suggested telling him that I have a boyfriend. It seems like a silly game, but hey I'll play it if Ian goes away.

I forgot to mention my brillant act yesterday. I left my room to eat breakfast, but returned in 2 seconds because I forgot to put deodorant on, so I put the key in, opened the door, kept it open while I put it on, and left. See anything missing? Yes that's right, I left the key in the door. I really don't know how I've lived this long.
Then last night I kicked my refrig while I was asleep, but soon woke up with the fan on my legs. (I knocked it off) And this morning awoke to bumps on my shins.
My religion TA reminds me a lot of Brad, it's wierd. He likes to pontificate just like him.
I've successfully avoided Ian the roof guy for awhile, but I think he's getting mad that I keep blowing him off, but I really don't want to eat dinner alone with a 25yr old junior, who frankly creeps me out just a little.
I need to drag Josh around campus so he can help me hang up flyers for a lecture about venture capital. I need him to put them up in the boy's bathrooms. Let's hear it for gurilla advertisement!
I have a tiny crush! Just an ever so slight thing, for the guy I sit next to in Art 101. The horrible part is I keep forgetting his name! He's a philosophy major, freshman, lives on Josh's floor, smelled like a Christmas tree today, and is 6'3". What is it with me and really tall guys?
I love being busy! With the club I'm busy and I'm apart of something! It can be really interesting at times, and I'm learning about how to run a club, which I'll need once I start my math club.
If I stay here next year, I want to be an RA, start a math club, and be in the honors program.
Need my afternoon nap.

I just reread my last line of my last post, and ummm well I realize now why I've added another 2lb! I'm going to get a bike this weekend. I'm thinking about getting a job.
Josh has still not fulfilled his bet!! There was a great comic strip in yesterday's school paper about pickup lines, so I taped it to his door. To show is apprication of my humor, once he found it he crumpled it up and threw it at me.
I'm actually busy! I've got E-club meetings and working out and school work, it's great to not have a second of the day to think! My head doesn't hurt as much.

It's 3:30pm and I have done nothing. I have vaccumed, talked to Pat and Amanda, slept and ate. Very interesting stuff. I hope I still am going to the mall today. I can't wait to see Josh fulfill his bet! ( He has to say a pick up line to a girl) He lost to me at Uno! Bwhahahaha, he's worse at cards than me!French toast is great, and so is cold pizza. Those things remind me why I like living.

I went grocery shopping by myself today. First time I've done that. It was very nice. I browsed other shops and found a nice Italian and Chinese resturants. I also had something from a bakery called a Pan Melon. It was a sweet white roll. Tonight we're ordering pizza! First time to do that here aswell. Hmm I wish I could rent a movie and then it would be complete. But atlast I cannot. I have no credit card and I'm not a resident. That's my big Friday plans!

Still need more nap, but I'll add my first entry just to kick things off with a bang. bang. Excited yet?