Last night, Michelle and I had a really nice talk, about everything. We talked for 2 hours! Which is a lot. Not that we are unfriendly with one another, but I'm not here that much, and when I am we are both doing our own thing.

I was a walking advertisement today. I wore a sign taped to my chest, and I held ton of balloons and flowers. I was trying to sell them for the E-club. I was a bad seller. I didn't feel right going up to people pressuring them to buy stuff.

It's sooooo quiet in here! Michelle studies sooo much that I feel bad if I make a noise. She's still a wonderful roomate and all.

Okay so I admit I've been arrogent. In astronomy everything has been review so I haven't been reading or paying attention to the details, so my grades aren't as high as they should be. BUT this teacher is an ass!!! He boosts his ego at the expense of his student's educations. I don't come to class to be humilated. Does he honestly think embarrassement is the best way to encourage learning? He won't answer questions, but when he does he'll make you feel like an idiot. This is college, I didn't think that he was going to ask us what we know when we obviously don't know it. And for god sake...what kind of teacher rewards someone for not cheating, with embarrassement?

What happened to me today was this.....I've been bored out of my mind in class because it is all old news for me, but the ONE day he asks ME a question, I don't know the answer.

Thank god this school lets the students do an end of semester evaluation of the teachers! I'm am going to really let him have it! I hope he gets a good long talking to.

I find that recently I've been looking at the small picture too much and that's why I've been getting so frustrated. I think I read the same thing in Amanda's blog. I'd like to step back and look at things from the bird's eye view. It's been hard to find the time to think about anything other than "Do I have any homework?, Did I do my laundry?, Oh god I need sleep, Did I eat properly today?, Where the fuck is my keys?, I'm running late again, When will she shut up? I'm getting another pimple!"

In a week it will be a year anniversary of when Kyle broke up with me. It doesn't seem that long ago, but yet I know that I've moved so far away from where I was. (And no I don't mean just geographically....I know what all you jokester are thinking)

I need to listen to music more. Please leave suggestions of bands or songs for me to listen to! (And I'll look at Amanda's blog to see the bands that I know that she's mentioned to me, but it's kinda gone in one ear and out the other, sorry!)

I feel bad for Michelle. Everyone I know and everyone she knows won't be here next year. This place is a bus station.

Today I had one of the worse headaches I've had in years. I got up from bed and reached into my drawer to pull out a bowl. I felt something on my hand, when I looked down there was a lizzard! I screamed my head off. It was the last straw of the day and it took all of my energy. How do I explain this? I layed my head down and realized how something so insignfigant upset me so much. I guess it's happening to me because I've never been this busy before in my life. (Even though compared to some, it's not that busy) I need to become one with nature again. Sitting outside, observing or mediting outside reminds me of the beauty of life, the connectedness, and the grand scheme of things. I need to start my transcendental trail.

Ah now I remember why I have this thing....to bitch and moan.

I have a sinus headache, there is lawnmowers outside, I can NEVER catch up on sleep! I feel like the walking dead!!!!! I haven't slept in, in weeks. I haven't gone to bed before midnight in a long time. And I have to catch up on chem. I have class in an hour, then e-club meeting an hour and a half after class, then another 1.5 hrs after that I have astronomy lab till 10!!!! I still have to take a shower, eat, and do hw. Somebody shoot me!

Hmmmmm my dad hasn't written back.....I wonder what he is thinking! ( I told him about Scott)

New job is going great! It's a piece of cake. I even got so bored I called up my own roomate! I live with her everyday, but yet I felt the need to see how her day was going.

I am going camping again this weekend!

Oh and Scott's spanish class is in the same room as my math class, but an hour earlier. So when I went to class today, I saw on the board, 'Scott loves Ada'! hehehehehe

So I'm doing pretty good on my diet, been faithful for nearly a week now. That's a long time for me.

I got a job! At the front desk of one of the dorm towers! It's only three hours, but hey it's better than no money. Plus it's a really easy job and I can still do homework while I'm on the job!

Now I have a problem though. I just got the job for the library as well. I hope she doesn't want me to work during those hours that I just hired for the desk job! Plus I'd have to work 10hrs at the library, and they are not flexiable at all. So I'd be working 13 hours and I have a large load of school work....so hmmm I have no idea. Maybe if I got really organized I could do it. And I also want to see friends and Scott sometime. So like I said, I have no idea.

I'm about as ready as I can be to go back to college!! This was a nice visit. I loved that I spent so much time with my mom and I got closer to a friend. But on the other hand it was a lot like those summers where you enjoy grocery shopping because it was something to do.

I am renewing my vows. To loose weight that is. This time I mean it!!

Today I visted UMass Amherst. I was afraid that it was going to be in the middle of nowhere and be planted in a ghost town. However, I was pleasantly surprized. The town of Amherst was very cute. I counted 5 bookstores just on its main street! And there is a bigger town near by with a mall. The campus was refreshingly green. However I wasn't enjoying my visit too much because I was freezing my ass off. The college maybe in another state, but it only took us 2 hours to get there.

I am applying to tons of places this spring, so this summer I'll have a tough decision to make.

Haven't written in here in awhile. So I'm a little bored without too many friends around. But it is a good time to do all the things that I've been meaning to do.

I miss Scott! He's my little piece of Sunshine cake.

Ummm Merry Chirstmas and Happy New Year?

I have just started to go through the Kyle box at 3am. I have been reading letters for about an hour and I am only 1/5 the way through. I've been crying for most of the hour as well. He was such a wonderful writer. He was the eptimy of romance. His love letters still bring tears of happiness, well I should say they bring even more tears because of the bittersweet feelings now. I really hope that this journy of letters will open my eyes to something new. Already I am noticing some of his weakness that I suppose I ignored. I feel like he really needed me at that time. Both of us were in a low spot and we made each other an addiction in a way very similar to herion.

I'm home! It's great! It's luxary! Big bed, good food, clean bathroom. What more could a person ask for? Oh ya, and a loving mom! Oh and a great friend Teddy!

I have a few agendas: Spend time with mom, remember the happy times with Kyle, read a book about ADD to understand Scott better, enter scholarships, think about colleges to transfer to, relax, and mmmm eat lots!

Teddy, mom, and I were stuck in the mall parking lot today for 2 and half hours!!! That teaches us to shop on the last weekend before Christmas!

I almost feel as if I am visiting someone else's house. I guess that's because my mom has decorated the place a beautifully, and my room is a little different, and because I have been away. I think the house feels cozier now! I knew my mom could transform this place into what it is now. I can't wait to see her dive into her creativity more!

Teddy seems to be doing very well. She is busy in extracirrular activities that are interesting and she has a healthy relationship with a great guy. I just realized I really did miss her too. I'm might not get to see her again all break! :(

I am happy too. I missed my mom! And I miss Scott now; although my heart is not breaking like it did everytime Kyle was away from me. And I'm afraid to feel that deep attachment again. I want to have those highs with Scott, but I don't want to wrap my life around him. Perhaps there is away of doing both. Perhaps I'm being a coward.

Sorry there are many technical errors, but I am soooo tired!

I had the most typical college experience ever!! Tonight we had a meeting about checking out and so everyone was talking. Then Michelle dissappears for a few hours because she was hanging out with some guys she knows upstairs. Then 4 guys bust into our room (well the knock, we answer, then they all pour in). They had a bottle of rum and finish it off in our room. We finally kick them out with a lot of persuasion mostly because Michelle is getting annoyed with them. Then they run back in our room an hour later because they stole some higher quality rum from a girl's room who's door was open and she was in the bathroom puking. So they went upstairs and had a few shots and returned 20 minutes later. This time only two of them, and they were nicely buzzed. The first words out of one of them was we came down to say that you are cute (pointing at me) and you are err Michelle. They stayed until 4:30am!! Daniel kept saying (pointing to each person) you are cool, you are fucking smart, you are cute, and you are nice, but dorky. It was hilarous! My face hurts so much from laughing. Watching drunk people is a great spectators sport. TJ talked to one of my friends online, then Michelle's. Rubin was making everyone guess where he was from, using big words, and trying to psych the other drunk guys into submission with gross stories. Daniel was the worst of the lot and told me that I had cute toes, he had to work at 7am, and making the biggest ass of himself. Welcome to College.

Camping was fun! I smell like smoke now.
I registered for classes and I am taking 15 credits. Chemistry, Calculus I, Astronomy and Anthropology Though what's odd is that really I am taking more than 16 hours of class. So they lie!!!!

I played soccer last night! It was so much fun! I am really sore now, but it was worth it!!! I had forgotten how much fun it is!

new post?!

I'm going camping this weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There was still a spot open at Lehua Tower (the one Scott lives in). Camping in Hawaii! No coldness at night and no bears! I can't wait!!!! I'll take pictures there too.

I'm back from Maui!

I saw a lot and ate a lot. I saw the West Maui Mts, Lahahina (Maui's Wikiki), went to the top of Haleahkala (which almost got me car sick) and to the beautiful Iao Valley.
I ate Tailapa (fish), tiny clear fresh fish from the Phillipeans, and goat intestine soup.

Surprizingly there was cactus on the island! I also saw pineaple bushes, sugar cane, and banana trees. This is a big deal because yes I have been living in Hawaii for 3 months, but I live in the city. Hawaii's country sides is beautiful. It is a bit tropical, mixed with euclapitis trees, and a bit of Texas sky.

I'll put pictures up later once I develop them.