Not much is going on in my life. And that's the problem. I'm drinking stagnate water. I've got to get out of this place, even if it's the last thing I do. Murph is dragging his heals, and he is starting to understand that he is as well. His solution is for me just to take off to Texas for 'awhile' so that I can be near my mom. I would love to be near family, but I crave moving to Alaska or backpacking through Asia. He just doesn't have this crave, and I don't understand why. How are we ever going to reconcile our feelings? I keep trying to think of compromises and middle ground, but after 9 months I'm starting to run out of ideas. Should I make the jump of following my gypsy heart and hope that he follows?

Dear Blogger,
I've missed you so much. We have shared things for years but somehow drifted apart. We should get together, maybe have a cup of coffee.
Love,
A.

Maybe I've waited long enough for people I know in the real world to forget about this blog, to begin writing in here again. If you could hear the tone in my voice when I say that inside my head, you'd understand I was being sarcastic. Anywho....
I'm not going to catch you up, because if you know me, then you already know the major things that have happened between Spring semester of last year and now.

I barely understood what Jean-Jacques Rousseau was talking about in his essay Discourse on the Origin of Inequality. I kind of think that he's an anarchist, but in a very unenlightened kind of way. Or he wants to see democracy played out the way it was suppose to go.
I find that the only things I have to talk about anymore are political things. And on top of that I have a hard time arguing one way or another because usually I'm talking to someone who knows way more than I do. And if I'm talking to someone outside of STPEC, then they don't know what I'm talking about and it all becomes a moot point anyway.

Personally I feel like I'm in limbo. I'm content here. But it's not in my usual fashion. I tend to obsess about the future. I always figured that if ever I was in limbo, I'd have tons of free time and I'd write amazing poetry or take insightful photographs. That couldn't be further from my life. Most of the time I'm hanging around with Murph or I'm so busy I can barely think. I'm taking a lot in, but I'm not really digesting.

I'm ready for a new adventure.

I just pierced my lip!!! Just a few mins ago and it feels wierd. My lip is swollen and will be for awhile. But overall I'm very happy. :) (Of course the shock hasn't worn off yet)
Pics are up on my picture page.
http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/fallingcolors56/my_photos

Just because I am trying to avoid studying, I'll put this up. It's interesting, but I hate putting categories on this stuff. And the some of the questions are ambigious. So don't label me for this! But here goes....

Your political compass

Economic Left/Right: -8.88
Social Libertarian/Authoritarian: -7.54

Yesterday I worked my ass off on studying and writing papers. I took a break to see Murph, because he was on campus staying up late doing papers too. It ended up wondering around the student union at 2am and having his car stall out a million times trying to get back to campus from running an errand to his house. At 4am we pass out in my dorm only to wake up at 6am. He had to work at the Slutty Goose, while I worked on another paper and then worked on some sleep, to wake up to my first final. 1 quiz, 1 final, 1 big paper, 2-3 small papers,and 3 overdue homework assignments to go. Tuesday at 5pm it is all over. I might get to stay at a hotel at Dartmouth and Wednesday I'm going swing dancing!!

I will prevail!

Ok so I'll actually update.

• Moving off campus with into a friend's apt, Steph, and her roomie, Adena
• FINALS!
• Got a summer job - desk recptionist on campus
• Taking French I & II this summer
• Going to Alaska to visit Kate this summer
• Dying for summer to start
• Earthfoods: going to be on the hiring committee!
• Classes next semester: Marxian Economics, Political Economy of Women, Jr Writing or National Liberation of Africa
• Yes, still dating the Murphy boy

Alternative Spring Break pictures are up!!
When I get time I'll try to update! Just imagine stories as you look at the pictures. :)

Saturday morning I leave for Virgina. A 14hr van ride with 10 other people in the van. Call me on Friday or IM me, cause I won't be in contact with anyone. I'm not allowed to use my cell phone. Which I'm a bit bummed about. But I can't wait. I'm nervous too. What are we going to be doing? Good question. We will paint and fix buildings, but mostly we will immerse ourselves in their community and culture. We will listen and learn. We'll go to church with them.

STPEC is my new major. Social Thought and Political Economy. It's a real hippie major. But I can't wait to take the classes. I also need to figure out what minors I'm going to do to make it a more practical education.
I've got to bring back the anarchy symbols and the green hair!

Name:_________
Gender:____
Age:____
Smoke?:_____
Afraid of the dark?:____
Like to listening to loud music?:______
Can you stand listing to me flatten my soda?:______
Do you like Gilmore Girls?:____
Have a car?____
Top 3 things you wish you could be?:
1.________
2.________
3.________
Are you morally against doing dishes?:_____
If a man with a sinister smile holding a cake knocked on our door, what would you do?:_________
Are you willing to cook dinner 5 nights a week?:____
Thank you!

Hmmm... there are a lot of food refrences... I guess my stomach is trying to tell me something...

I've got to start looking for a roommate for the summer, and maybe a third roomie for the school yr! Man, I better start making those applications...

So I guess I'll update. Umm.... so I go on my retreat this weekend. I get to sleep on the floor of a church and sit around for hours and tell stories that will make us cry. But it sounds fun.
Umm...so I hate going to class.
Umm...Valentines Day is coming up. Yuck.
I'm tired. My tetnus shot is making my arm hurt.
No one is online, you people suck.
Did I mention I'm tired......

A lexicographic error is an inaccurate entry in a dictionary.

I hate the suburbs.

21 more days to go. I've already had 17 days of vacation. I don't know if I can stand any more vacation. I get so antsy to go back to Amherst that I can't even relax watching television. I can't wait to live off campus so that I can stay in Amherst as long as I like. Imagine it, in the begining of this semester I hated Amherst. Although now I'm understanding the beauty and uniqueness of it. When I first saw the Hill Country in Texas, I hated it too. But I think everyone melts away their dislike for the landscape after their first March. (Bluebonnet season) Now I'm stuck here in Hamden, without a car/good bus system in the winter and with very few friends. If anyone has any ideas of what to do with myself please let me know.
I spent New Years weekend with Murph. It was great. And I have to brag that my boyfriend made me dinner everynight, and he's a great cook, even if he is a vegetarian.*
I checked out a lot of books to read. Although one of them turned out to be about white supremecy. I also checked out The Phantom Tollbooth and a book about Phi (Golden Mean). At some point I have to analyse the prices for Earthfoods and paint the walls. I should do that, just to ward of insanity. I have all these things on my To Do list, but when I wake up at 11am, I don't feel like doing any of them. Then by evening I get bored, but I'm too settled to do anything about it. Vicious cycle.
This journal feels more like a press release than a diary. Because I know anything that I write down is probably going to haunt me later.
I almost wish insanity was kicking in, because that sounds a lot more fun than this. Like directing traffic with a scuba diving mask and a ping pong paddle. (Benny and Joon refrence) Perhaps I'll just write a twenty page journal entry. Oh wait, I've never written twenty pages in my life.
I really don't want to paint my beautiful walls. Sure they're wierd looking, but they're mine.
I found this while mulling through the internet:
Je suis petite. C'est ce qu'ils disent tous. Trop petite pour leur monde de géants.Ils disent que je suis un bébé dans un corps de femme, que jamais je ne changerai dedans, et que plus mon corps devient fort, plus il y a de l'espace dans ma tête, de l'espace vide, inutile, que je ne peux pas remplir avec leurs histoires de grands. Moi je me sens énorme dedans. Forte à soulever des montagnes, à souffler sur les nuages pour éclairer le ciel. Immense à prendre le monde entier dans mes deux mains pour le caresser, le rendre gentil, panser les blessures des forêts mutilées, boire les rivières souillées de notre ingratitude. http://pages.zdnet.com/maxarno/rouscaille-stories/id55.html
Which translates to:
I am small. This says it all. Too small for their world of giants. They say that I am a baby in a woman's body, that never I will not change inside, and that the stronger my body becomes, the more there is space in my head, of empty space, useless, that I cannot fill with their large stories. Me I feel enormous inside. Strong enough to raise mountains, to blow on the clouds to light the sky. Immense to take the whole world in my two hands to cherish it, make it nice, bandage the wounds of the mutilated forests, to drink the soiled rivers of our ingratitude.
*You know I love those vegetarians.
Maybe if I do all the things on my To Do list, then I can feel free to go insane. Then I could make forts and attack the kitchen table, sing songs that I made up, and glue macaroni to my hair.

It's odd how one day I want to be a physist and the next a park ranger....I just don't have any idea what I want to do. I want to be in an academic setting and yet I want to implement change. I want to be in a managerial position, but I also want to wade in swaps taking measurements. What kind of job can give me all that??

I'm thinking of changing my major. (For the fortith time) This time it's to Resource Economics. I think the basis for all of my ideas tho have centered around Math + Environmental Science.
So here are my new classes:
Natural Resources Policy and Administration
Environmental Economics
Intro to Resource Economics
Plant & Soil Science Sustainable Living

http://www.birthdayalarm.com/name

Type in my name. Ya, that's right I'm special.

My teachers are out to get me. I've got hw due on Monday, All-Staff on Tues (ok so no teachers involved there), a final paper due and a final exam on Wed (even tho officially exams aren't suppose to start until Thurs!!), then two finals on Thurs! The fun train has screeched to a halt.